


call me(yours)

by losestelia



Series: BFF [2]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, changyoons just there to be a jerk and go, it's 4 am hello, walmart i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 22:23:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17837246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losestelia/pseuds/losestelia
Summary: seungjoon looks from the stack of products sitting in the basket on the shelf with the summer’s eve, then to the stack of products in the other’s arms. according to the digital clock above the blood pressure machine thing, it’s 7 am but, according to the stubble on hyojin’s face it’s time for them to go home





	call me(yours)

**Author's Note:**

> i've been writing this for 4 days(almost) straight and it's finally done!!  
> i'm so nasty right now i need a shower jfc  
> anyway take this sequel no one asked for, you don't have to read the first one but it'd be lit if you did. it's 4 am and i'm not tired because i've ingested so much sugar whooOo  
> okay enjoy~~  
> -rose

it’s a regular day.

it’s tuesday, regular is just baked right into a tuesday. you’re exhausted but, it’s not monday. you’re later in the week but it’s not like it’s thursday or anything. so seungjoon has almost no excuse for being this completely and totally out of it.  

he's tired, his head hurts and, there's a persistent pain in his shoulders from lugging textbooks around. seungjoon walked into walmart with his adidas slides, giant black hoodie and itty bitty basketball shorts he’s had since the 7th grade. the hoodie is well over the shorts and to his knees if he slouches, which earns him disapproving looks from a few old white people.

but that's not the problem.

the problem is they’re staring sure, staring at him with concerned looks and people just back out of his way when he comes clunking by.

he has an arm full of pocky and campbell's soup pacing past the feminine hygiene aisle with a gaze that goes into the cosmos.

why is he even near the feminine hygiene aisle you ask?

good question.

kim hyojin is his best friend.

undisputed, uncontested, hands down.

even if the psychology building is a good 2 minutes sprint from the fine arts hall, he's there waving at hyojin as he comes out of his music theory class right on time. he never thought much of it, just a good friend being good to another good friend.  

that was until the night of park minkyuns post-spring break party. yes, that's really what it's called. park minkyun, a tall handsome kid in hyojin's music education class, holds this big dumb party every year on september 18th. don't ask him why its called post-spring break and not...literally _anything_ else. hyojin told him it's best not to question it.

point is- big party, music students, _lots_ of alcohol. so naturally he's there in a heartbeat.

seungjoon pokes a box of kotex until it flops over into another box, gravity taking each box down with a litany of thunks.

the first time it happened was clearly a joke. forced by their own inability to say no, hyojin takes a matcha green tea stick between his bunny teeth. peer pressure is surprisingly effective as they lean in closer to each other while the circle of people cheer. seungjoon thinks it's cute the way hyojin closes his eyes, how the second he feels seungjoons nose bump his own he's skittering back. he'll never forget the way hyojin blushed, chewing the remaining sweet behind his palm, giggling like he just found out who his friend had a crush on.

but he didn't know, couldn't know that seungjoon had just had his last wall knocked down.

okay, so he and hyojin have a much more complicated history than just drunk breath and pocky kisses.

their senior year they’d made a mistake beneath the cheap lantern lights he got at target. next to his astronomy project, his batman blanket beside hyojin’s bare heaving chest. and after everything they’d felt between them sort of simmered out when hyojin slung his duffle bag over his shoulder that morning and stalked off his porch. a quick walk through the hallways would tell him that people do shit like this all the time. sleep with people and face the world and the people they were naked in front of the morning after. and it seems like hyojin was one of those people, now 3 years later, he'd called him out of his burrow of blankets and endless episodes of that gory crime show changyoon recommended(was fucking scary by the way). with just an ominous, _walmart. quick_ , and he’d hopped into the lyft car before you could say ‘obvious foreshadowing’.

 

“come over here and help me," hyojin, the object of his affection, demanded from the other end of the aisle. seungjoon doesn't move from his nice spot by the tampons, poking around to topple over another display, "i'm not doing that." hyojin didn't stamp his foot in the aisle, but it was a near thing judging by the death glare he feels on his neck. "you're the one who told me to put myself out there, and so i did-”

“this is so not what i meant when i said that. i meant like join a club, or actually go outside for once.” seungjoon clonked over to the overwhelming display of latex nonsense and pregnancy tests. “well now you're going to help me pick out condoms because that’s where my life is now. _god_ , i don't know what i'm doing."  
"and you think i do?" he squeaked, it echoed around them in the relatively empty hygiene and beauty area. hyojin smacked a soft and slightly calloused hand when an older woman behind the pharmacy counter gives them a dirty look through the glass. he shouldn't be basking in this as much as he is, it’s just a hand, and his mouth kind of stings from the force of it but it’s a good sting. it’s a real sting. hyojin’s real. seungjoon has a sick urge to lick his hand. like a five year old, or a dog, or just like the sad little man he is.

 

it’s over as soon as the woman is out of sight, hyojin is blushing when he turns to punch him. which just fuels seungjoon to cause him physical harm. they slap fight until hyojin pushes him back into a display of adult diapers and one almost falls on his head. hyojin snickered, “now help me, for real i wanna go home.”, he picked up a brightly coloured box of a brand he’d seen on an ad once, looking around like the condom police were going to swoop in and arrest them. which he hopes isn’t a real thing. “you’re asking the wrong guy, i haven't --" he lowered his voice, eyes shifty from crusty laminate tile to crusty laminate tile "when would i have --?"  
"no?" hyojin asked. "not at all? huh. you’ve dated...people before, so i just assumed."  
"jin, i tell you when i break a nail. you think i had _sex_ with a _person_ and never let you in on it?"

he doesn't mention the glaring fact that the only person he's come close to anything like that with was hyojin himself.  he doubts hyojin would like to be reminded, or he'd even remember if he said anything.  
hyojin shrugged stacking travel sized bottles of lube into a pyramid, "sometimes you wait a while to tell me important stuff."

he stared in disgust as hyojin delicately placed a strawberry flavored one at the top, "i guess," he said. "but still what do you even need condoms for. you’re not dating anyone, you don’t even know anyone that’s not me and the idiots in the fine arts department." hyojin ignored him and abandoned his lube tower, "what do you think of these?" he pulled a box off a shelf and shoved it at seungjoon, mostly to watch him take it without protest, realize what he was holding, and then flail around as he tossed it into the air. hyojin put the box back on the shelf after retrieving it off the floor. “it doesn't matter which ones you get anyway if you don’t use them for another 100 years.” hyojin rolled his eyes all the way back in his head, sighing for what seemed like forever with his giant stupid singer lung capacity.    
"it's not bad to be prepared, is it?" hyojin asked. he knows hyojin always felt better if he was ready for every eventuality, and the truth is seungjoon kind of respects his certainty. that someday he'll meet someone to use such an obscene amount of protection with. he's a little curious honestly, they don’t really talk about things like this, there's not a wall between them, it’s not uncomfortable or forbidden. they just don’t, they’re rather private people, maybe that was it?

no, that’s not it, hyojin definitely shares suspicious video links to changyoon when he thought he wasn't looking. he doesn't know the contents of them but, it’s something the other felt important enough to keep secret so seungjoon just assumed it was...along the lines of what they don’t discuss.  
seungjoon plucked a box off the shelf himself this time, and flipped it over to read the warnings. "prepared, huh?" he murmured to himself, his forehead wrinkled up in concentration. "i suppose it's not a bad thing. jin, did you know these are only 97% effective in preventing pregnancy?"  
hyojin raised his eyebrows. "well that’s not really a problem for me. men don’t really get pregnant dumbass."

  
_what_

  
"what do you mean?" seungjoon said, and then his eyes went wide. isn't this something they don't talk about? isn’t this a line they shouldn't be crossing? isn't he being silent for a little too long? is his mouth open?

"shut up," hyojin said, “i don’t know what you’re going to say but, i’m sure i don’t want to hear it.” he grabbed the brand that seungjoon had dropped on the floor earlier, and a tube of lubricant(thankfully not fruit flavored). oh dear _god_ , that’s the same brand he has in his dresser in he and changyoon’s apartment. the one that changyoon pretends he doesn’t see when he goes looting through his drawers for socks probably.

“i wasn't gonna make fun of you, i-i just-”  
"oh, then what?" hyojin looks up and sticks his purchases under his arm, "uh, how– i mean, are you--"

"spit it out."

“i’m about to just- just hold your horses.” hyojin threw his head back in one huff of mocking laughter, “dude, literally no one says that, are you my 80 year old grandfather?”. he loves him, he does, but it’s almost midnight and if he has to take any more of his shit he will beat him with his left shoe. “first, shut _up_. second,” the heat behind his words kind of tumbles out of his mouth when he starts to process what he might say next. how does he say this without being an asshole? how does he ask this without giving himself away?

“are you like- uhm, gay?” he’s staring at the floor and his eyes won’t move, not that he’d want to make eye contact. it doesn’t matter what he answers, just because he’s into guys doesn't mean hyojin’s into him. his type might be tall, handsome, music majors, like park minkyun. and most likely not some paper thin, inexperienced, psych major. he doesn’t have an inferiority complex, he swears. “seungjoon.” hyojin is quiet, he doesn’t say his full name unless he’s telling him gossip. when he comes slamming through his bedroom door screaming about someone who fucked in the practice room and got caught by the cameras. or maybe just to bother him for attention. when he looks up at him there’s an icy look in his eyes, he can tell he’s clenching his jaw from how his chin juts out. he doesn’t think his point got across from how pissed hyojin looks. as much as they fight this sort of genuine anger and distance isn’t anything he’s had to experience first hand. “yeah, is that a problem?” he understands the fear in the upturn of his voice indicating a question. it’s sort of insulting that hyojin would think that he was one of those people that cuts people they love out of their lives because of who they love. and it’s ironic they ever have to have this sort of conversation seeing as seungjoon is as gay as fire is hot. seungjoon always worried about giving away the fact that had any sort of feelings towards his best friend but, what does hyojin have to lose? not seungjoon’s friendship.

“of course not, it’s your life and i’ll support you ‘cause i-”

_love you?_

_support you?_

_genuinely care about your happiness?_

it feels like the sad moment in a drama when one of them is watching the one they're secretly in love as they sleep, and the sad ost starts up. when it seems like they might kiss them they just...don’t. it pisses him off. that’s the point in his drama watching evening where he throws his phone across the room and screams.

you could call him a hypocrite.

or maybe just a boneless coward.

“i’m your best friend.”

hyojin smiles his old man smile at him, his tiny bunny teeth shining like stars under the industrial greenish fluorescents. they stand at an awkward distance, being watched by the grumpy lady behind the pharmacy counter, the couples buying domestic shit in their sweatpants and, of course the big spherical security cameras. seungjoon looks from the stack of products sitting in the basket on the shelf with the summer’s eve, then to the stack of products in the other’s arms. according to the digital clock above the blood pressure machine thing, it’s 7 am but, according to the stubble on hyojin’s face it’s time for them to go home

“alright well, that’s enough emotional vulnerability for the day. let’s pay for all this bullshit and i’ll drive you back to your place.” hyojin hefts his purchases under his arms and makes a ‘follow me’ motion, turning on his heels towards the checkout lanes. when the squeak of his air jordan’s becomes a little more distant he lugs his basket full of junk into his arms, sighing and resting his chin on the prickly plastic. he takes one step then has a horrible idea, backpedaling to the tower of lube. admiring hyojin’s surprisingly neat lube tower, and staring at the pretty pink packaging of the strawberry lube. yeah sure, he probably shouldn't want to buy it as much as he does. sure, it’s a waste of money and he could risk the chance of hyojin bullying because of it.

he picks it off the tower carefully, and shoves it between his many cans of chicken noodle o’s. he can see in the little security camera viewing screen that the pharmacist lady is watching him. he knows she’s judging him, and she can probably tell what a fucking idiot he is.

he’s just gonna stick his chin up and walk the way hyojin went, holding his basket tight to his chest and running to catch up with the distant bobbing of the other’s brightly colored hair. he breaks into a run when hyojin disappears into a self-checkout lane.

“god, i’m such a _fucking_ loser.”

 

* * *

 

 

seungjoon flung himself onto the couch, suffocating in the overly squishy cushion. changyoon followed close behind him, holding the small walmart bag like it had a vile of bubonic plague in it. “it’s fine, i got the bags i guess.” he hefted a big paper bag full of their take out chinese behind him. seungjoon grumbled in response. just before he could take hyojin up on his offer to drive him home, changyoon was sitting on a big plastic bench by the rows of carts tapping his foot. changyoon said he got worried and seungjoon said he meant to text him, the usual useless back and forth. they called a truce when changyoon started his prissy green kia soul and started calling in an order at the golden dragon.

“stop being sad, idiot.”

he grumbled again, longer and more painful sounding. really trying to get his point across. changyoon doesn’t want any part of his pity party, he chucks a pair of chopsticks at his head. “you’re _pathetic_ .” he emphasized every syllable, even with what sounds like a mouth full of lo mein. seungjoon turns over slowly to his side, his hair way too long and flopping in front of his eyes. he can’t get the thought of hyojin with another guy out of his head. he can’t get the thought of hyojin naked out of his head. he can’t get the thought of _hyojinhyojinhyojin_ out of his head. he’s not a high school kid, he shouldn’t be losing his head like this anymore. “hyojin calls you out to walmart at the crack of dawn, and for what? what’s so important anyway?” it takes him a second to recognize the rustling isn’t his brain on the verge of combustion, it’s the walmart bag. the sound of the lube container shifting in the cardboard case makes him jump off and over the back of the couch. “wait changyoon don’t-”

he’s holding the box up to the hanging lights above the breakfast bar, examining the packaging with a grin. “strawberry? you bought strawberry lube?” changyoon sounds like he might starts laughing, or he’s about to throw up. “i didn’t even know they sold this, i thought it was just really gendered k.y bullshit.”

he makes his way over the counter, rubbing his temples and sighing. “can we not do this right now?”

“why did you go to walmart with hyojin to buy lube?” it’s a suggestive question that he could answer with the answer he wants to answer with. he could say he went with hyojin to buy lube because they would need it because they’re in a serious relationship. he could say that and just have changyoon believe it, it’d be another place where he could pretend he and hyojin were together. besides his dreams. “i didn’t go there for specifically lube-” changyoon snorts, “so you just stumbled into the lube aisle, the lube fell into your cart, and then just crawled across the little scanner thing without you knowing?” seungjoon knows his face is getting red and he knows changyoons going to take that as a sign he should keep fucking with him.

“yoon can we-”

“answer the question.”

“this is absurd-” he turns walks past the breakfast bar to pretend to loot around for something unfindable in the fridge. the cool air of barely soothes his burning skin.

“what’s absurd is the fact that you think you can hide anything from me when the wall between our rooms are basically paper.” he hears changyoon come thumping to the floor and lean against the wall by the stove. “yoon-”

“dude, know things about you that are way deeper into the realm of mindfuckery than whatever this lube is for.” changyoon’s still holding the little box and shaking it right next to his head like it’s some sort of fucked up rattle. seungjoon picks up a half-eaten donut that's just sitting in one of the vegetable drawers and tosses it in the trash, “i seriously, _seriously_ doubt-”

“i know you jerk off to hyojin.” an old bag of leftover birthday cake comes splatting to the floor, seungjoon slams the fridge door and he can feel his eyes starts to pop out of his head.

“how do- what do- _you know?_ ” changyoon is smirking but in a ‘wow chill out’ way and not in the ‘gotcha’ way he was before. “okay whatever, just- it doesn’t matter.” he brushes past changyoon and to the paper towels so he can clean up, then decides it’s not his problem and moves back over to snatch his dumplings and rice out of the bag. “c’mon you know you can’t hide things from me, i’ll find out one way or another.” he’s fast walking down the hall to his room, pretending changyoon hasn’t been listening to him pitifully say hyojins name for the last year or so they’ve lived together. “shut _up._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

he flopped on his bed, taking his phone off speaker, lightly kicking his socks off his feet and across the room.

 _"i just don’t accept plasma,"_ hyojin mumbled sounding far away from the mic.

"what do you mean you don’t accept plasma?" seungjoon rolled on his back and sighs, he didn’t really enjoy phone calls. not being able to see peoples faces and playing off their facial expressions but, somehow he can always see hyojins face just by his voice. "you don’t need to accept plasma. it’s one of the states of matter – solid, liquid, gas, plasma. it’s not like coming to terms with your parents’ divorce. plasma just is. you own a plasma tv."

 _"yeah, sure, that’s reasonable and factual,"_ hyojin voice flickered between soft and softer, which probably means he’s pacing and tying his hoodie strings in knots like he does when he’s thinking, " _but i can’t get over it sounding fake._ "

"the sun is made of plasma, your blood has plasma in it-" seungjoon added, “do you not remember anything we learned in like 7th grade science?”

hyojin sounded like he was grinning, the same way he always did when anyone mentioned 7th grade. the year he and hyojin had become friends. not really friends, just seungjoon annoying hyojin before and after school until he had no choice to tolerate him. back when they spun books on their fingers, raced each other to the convenience store, and hyojin sang sad love songs into the spring air by the river. _cute_ , seungjoon thought with a fond smile to himself, kicking his legs up like a lovesick cartoon.

_“joon, you know i didn’t pay attention to anything a teacher said until like junior year.”_

they’re junior year, huh?

that was the year when things between them started to get more tangled. the gray area that used to be in the corner of their eyes, has become the whole area. surrounded by the colorless fog and the mixed signals fly around like waiting vultures.

 _“we sure did a lot of dumb stuff in high school.”_ he wasn’t expecting hyojin to speak, this was supposed to be nostalgia. could this be considered reminiscing? seungjoon leans back as he drew his knees up to his chin, his blankets blocking his mouth so he just hums in response. to be honest he doesn’t remember anything before the 2nd semester of junior year. he would rather forget sophomore year but, senior year- something about it he doesn’t feel like forgetting. that was the dumb moment he thought he and hyojin could be something. yeah, of course he likes hyojin. he likes him in the same way a tourist loves foreign art. the way plane passengers gasp and point at the ocean and the birds flying distantly below. how they mock the walking or those on boats for just a moment before they become them.

something trivial and fleeting like that.

it’s not permanent, those feelings.

and no matter how far he thinks he gets from that day, the feelings persist. persist in the back of his brain and remind him that he could have had everything if he would’ve done something, if he hadn't just let him walk away like that so easily.

something to show for a sudden night. a night where he could feel his attraction blocking his throat, tightening his veins holding him by his ankles until all the blood rushed to his face and made him blush near fluorescent. until all he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and spit out the words and hope, because he couldn't stand not knowing. that night wasn’t planned, it wasn’t thought out, he wasn't even wearing nice underwear. in those seconds seungjoons had stepped out of the stupid gym shorts he’d found on the locker room floor 8th grade year, and stepped into murky water. for years he’s been treading the deep end and never mentioning they’re pseudo-intimate evening. when the afterglow fades around the room, his bed never seemed more beautiful then it did with hyojin laid out on it. neither said a word until their breath evens out, just bundled his sheets in his closet along with a grocery bag full of paper towels.

and slept in silence.

well, not in silence.

hyojin’s frank ocean instrumental playlist played on his phone between their heads, both too lazy to play it on his speaker just 7 feet away. seungjoon’s bony hipbones met hyojin’s plusher ones, their naked bodies naturally pressed together under seungjoon’s batman blanket. their eyes glued to the speckled ceiling as they float around this whirling sea that's too dark to see into. they aren't scared of getting lost or drowning, with their hands locked like that he doesn’t worry. he didn’t worry.

he’s worried now.

“yeah. stupid.” seungjoon stares at that batman blanket draped over his desk chair, sad and wilted. it’s mourning just like him, it misses the kiss of hyojin’s skin like he does. there’s unnerving silence from the other end, “what?”

he can hear him smile, he can feel him shake his head. he knows he’s probably thinking of that night too, maybe not in the desperate achy way seungjoon is. still, he knows he’s wondering where he might have stood. but instead of just talking to him like he knows seungjoon will understand, like he knows the lonely nights where the closest thing he has to hyojin in his bed is a phone call or a blanket-

 _“nothing, just- just remembering.”_ he feels that itch in his veins and starts sinking deeper into his mattress to keep from screaming. _“hey, can i call you back later?”_ seungjoons almost completely horizontal at this point, blankets crowding his neck, the phone rested between his ear and the pillow. it was around 9:30 with no classes tomorrow, it was tempting to just give up and lie there until changyoon drags him out of bed in the morning anyway. he wriggles up on his pillow picking up the phone. “yeah, talk to you later.” there was a lingering question in his words because ‘can i call you back later?’ doesn't mean he will, it means he’ll call eventually in the time after he hangs up. maybe not today, or tomorrow.

just later.

soon, seungjoon hopes.

 _“bye.”_ this idiot has to know he’s going to be thinking about him for the next 2 hours or so before he starts to get the memories and the feelings caught up in his throat all over again-

“i- nevermind. g’night’, jin.”

 

* * *

 

 

he’s been lying in bed for about an eternity after hyojin hung up. turning on his bedside lamp and turning it off, staring at the ceiling with unblinking eyes then shoving his face in his pillows to slam them shut. changyoon was probably asleep at this point, or just has the volume on his airpods up so high while he studies that it barely matters anyway.

he swallowed hard as he pushed his shorts down to his ankles and drew his knees up, letting them fall open as he reached into his side drawer to get the lube that hyojin probably had in his drawer as well. it’s hard to think about it without having his head explode, everything involving hyojin wound up feeling like a weird mix of genuine curiosity and just a huge bubbling cauldron of disgusting. the bottle was nearly empty already, the realization making seungjoon’s face go hot. along with the realization that he might have to use the strawberry flavored one he bought on a whim. he’s not completely against tasting it himself but, he would prefer to save it and taste it off someone else.

hyojin would be the someone else, by the way, it’s never been anyone else. seungjoon wrapped slippery fingers around himself and let out a soft moan just at that. he thought about hyojin’s soft face, his hands rough from everyday weathering, but his touch had been almost too reverent when he put his hands on seungjoon’s skin that night. he wanted those fingers on him more than anything, he realized with startling clarity.  
the image of hyojin laid out beneath him, coming over their intertwined hands, was burned behind his eyelids as he squeezed them shut. if he closed his eyes he’s not doing this, he’s just sitting here normally doing his paper on cognitive development that’s due tomorrow. like a student, like a human, like anyone ever would do. he’s sure nobody alive has ever done something as dumb as this. still, it's not like he can shut out these thoughts and feelings, trust him he's tried. it’s not just a game to him, it’s this swirling black well of lust and confusion over this sexual revelation. that he wants to throw himself into it head first and smash he and hyojin’s mouths together until he can't breathe.  he wants to cradle his jaw and feel his lips, he thinks they'd be soft. _god_ , they'd be soft, wouldn't they? he hasn't kissed him in forever he’s almost forgotten it. he’d get covered in hyojins tinted lip balm that smells like cherry syrup. he's scared of facing hyojin tomorrow, the fact that he can't stand to look at him or look away. the fact that he's so head over heels, wants to slit his own throat in love with him that he can't stand every second of every day he has to keep it a secret.

his self-loathing runs like white noise behind the movie that plays every time he does this. it’s just hyojin beneath him, smiling. back arched beautifully, stretching his skin over his ribs and his throat open and bruised. he’s working him open with his fingers and hyojin whispers _please, please_ , under his breath. as much as he imagines he’s not sure what he’s pleading for. still, seungjoon would say yes; he wanted it, whatever hyojin did– he couldn't deny him, in fact. for as long he knew he wanted guys, seungjoon knew he wanted hyojin. he thrust up into the circle of his fist as he pictured bending one of his legs up by to chest as he slowly, slowly pushed into him inch by inch.  
maybe he’d mess up. maybe it wouldn’t go perfectly. maybe they’d fall off the bed and laugh so hard that their stomachs hurt. but however it happened, seungjoon knew he’d have no regrets.  
and they wouldn't forget it in hopes of “going back to normal”. they’d lay together and kiss each other and mean it this time. the ceiling would rise, time would stop, and his heart would rest finally when he was beside him. it’d be so perfect he would probably forget to breathe.

but he still knows the second he opens his mouth, he and hyojin are ruined. the closeness, the comfort, to be trusted.

he can't lose this, he just _can't._

“ _ah_ ,” seungjoon whispered into the dark, his voice sounded loud in the silence of his reality, arching up off the bed as he started free-falling toward an uncertain future, “ _hyojin_.”

 

* * *

 

 

it’s 9:20 and hyojin hasn't called yet.

he’s sitting at his desk, watching the words in his anatomy textbook fuse together when his phone binged.

a text, from hyojin.

 

 _changyoon texted me,_ the ominous words flickers away as his phone automatically shut off.

 

 _what’d he say?,_  he’s a little nervous if he’s honest. changyoon is a ruthless man with way too much time on his hands, he knows he wouldn’t hesitate to fuck him over for sport.

 _well…_ …., there were so many dots he couldn't see the rest of the text through quick response, he swallowed and unlocked his phone

 

_he asked me what why u bought lube at walmart and i told him i didn’t know. i guess he thought i was lying and said he had a secret he could tell me if i told him….and he said he can hear you...y'know…to me,,,don’t worry i’m not upset or anything i just want to ask if it’s true is all._

 

it was sickening, he felt like he might actually throw up. he hated changyoon so much he was tempted to march right through his door and smash his head into a wall along with his lensless glasses. for something as stupid as strawberry lube and a late night march around walmart, this was way too much grief. way too much disclosure.

 

 _dude srsly it’s not a big deal just talk to me plz_ , follows after 5 minutes without a response. he takes the phone into his shaky clammy hands, closing his eyes and finally just letting go.

 

 _yeah, it’s true_ , he waited then decided that wasn’t enough, _i feel like shit about it i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable._

 

_it didn’t make me uncomfortable_

_just wanna know why_

 

there’s something taunting in the way he wrote that it’s daring him to say he does it because thinking of hyojin makes him feel...hotter. it’s daring him to say he never stopped thinking about that night, it seems like he knows already.

 

_am i really explaining the way i jerk off to you?_

 

_you know that’s not what i meant_

 

“fuck.” he said with emphasis,  pushing his inhibitions out the window and watching it crash to the sidewalk in front of him. as scared as he is of losing hyojin he’s more scared of never having a chance like this again. it’s idiotic and a stupid way of confessing, sure. but he’s ready to let his incredibly questionable acts see the light of day.

 

_fine_

_i just remember that night in senior year and it’s enough for me_

_u probably forgot about it but i haven’t, it’s hard to forget the feeling or whatever_

_that’s just how i feel_

 

he had a confession letter saved into the notes on his phone and _that’s_ what he’s writing? it’s hard not to absolutely loathe yourself when you do shit like this. he tosses his phone behind him and onto his bed slamming his head on the glossy pages of his textbook. he had started taking deep breaths until his phone started ringing on his bed. he rolled his desk chair over to his bed and hyojin was calling. his phone started fucking _ringing_ and _hyojin_ was _calling_ him.

 

"what are you doing?" seungjoon said instead of hello, trying not to let the panic he felt crawl into his voice. "what- why- what are you doing?" hyojin let out a funny little fake laugh, an actual, "ahaha." then he paused, _"can’t we just talk? could you just, like, tell me– tell me more, about-well, what do you think about ?"_

"this is weird, hyojin," seungjoon said. "it’s weird, right?"

 _"it’s weird,"_ hyojin agreed. _"but i was just. interested."_ neither of them said anything for a moment after that just the hum of hyojin's soft breathing on the other end of the phone, it was nearly impossible to tell what he was thinking for once _"so?"_ he prompted, seungjoon realized he was still waiting for an answer to the question. he reached to rub at his eyes and muted the corner of his brain telling him he was an idiot. he climbed onto his bed and lay on his back to keep and stared at the blank white ceiling,  "no just- stay on the line," he said.

 _"okay..."_ hyojin hesitates, _“i mean, i guess- unless it makes you uncomfortable- i mean i didn’t-”_

"i knew what you meant." there's static and hyojin ruffling around on what sounds like his room’s scratchy area rug.

_“so how do you think about me?”_

“hyojin-”

_“you don’t have to tell me-”_

“no, i will. i just thought it might be obvious.”

_“how would it be obvious?”_

“you do realize we’ve seen each other naked before? we’ve kissed and touched and felt...nevermind”

hyojin sighed but it was shaky, like a tired laugh. something was off in the silence, seungjoon tried to school his breath quieter.

_“that's- that’s understandable.”_

“do you remember when- i mean back in high school-”

_“yeah, how could i forget that.”_

“then why didn't we-”

_“well i never-”_

“you could've just-”

_“there’s was no time between graduating and school and everything stupid in between.”_

“okay.”

_“okay.”_

“do you think about that night when you-”

_“sometimes.”_

fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , seungjoon realized he was holding his phone so tight his knuckles were turning white, a jolt of warmth running through his body as hyojin breathed lightly directly in his ear. fluttering his eyes shut, seeing hyojin face as he blushes down his chest. when his muscles tense, and he comes over his fist with that look- that expression he has tattooed in his brain.

_“i- i don’t just think about the night. there’s more- there’s worse.”_

“tell me.” he whispers quietly into the phone like a serial killer is in his closet.

 _“can’t.”_ it’s an exhale, it’s barely anything. the only way he can tell is it’s even a word is because he hits the consonant so hard with the force of his breath. hyojin’s breathing got noticeably faster. seungjoon pressed his ear tight to the phone, listening for another noise, any indication of what hyojin was doing. and seungjoon breathed out hard through his nose

"jin, what are you doing?" there's a small high pitched ‘hmpf’ from the other line. this had gone way beyond the line of weird territory. so far away that the weird line was just a distant speck to them.

 _"what do you think?"_ hyojin gritted out eventually. his face was so warm that he felt like his skin might catch fire. hyojin called him and now he was masturbating on the other end of the phone. this is stupid.

someone has to be pranking him.

“hyojin tell me what you’re doing. i don’t wanna get the wrong idea.”

 _"do–"_ hyojin whimpered like a kicked puppy, _"do you remember the way you said my name over and over again,"_ he said, all in a rush. _"i’m hearing it now- like a broken record, it’s all i hear."_ hyojin made a muffled sound then – it was a good sound, a great sound in fact. "what was that?" seungjoon asked. there was a huff on the other end. _"joon,"_ hyojin said, his voice low and rough. _"i almost- almost just..."_ he trailed off but seungjoon got the idea. it was insane that the thought of his voice was enough to nearly tip him over. his boxers strained, attempting to remind him there's something he needs to take care of. he’s too busy soaking in the whimpers and hums from the other end, thighs spread head pressed against his headboard trying to breathe. he arched his hips off his bed against his palm just a little bit, biting his lips and leaning away from the phone microphone.

 _"i should hang up,"_ hyojin told him, panting heavily into seungjoon’s ear. _"i should, i know i should. i’m too close, this is already so weird, i don’t want to make this weirder for you, but it feels so good. i’m sorry, i-."_

"don’t go," he babbled under his breath, pulling the waistband down to his thighs, circling his fist tighter and practically crying between his words, "please. please, hyojin. it’s okay, it’s okay." hyojin moaned long, broken, and unabashed. it probably wasn’t very loud, but with his voice right in seungjoon’s ear, inside his head, it felt like it was echoing through his skull. seungjoon choked out, " _god_ , you’re so perfect,"  shaking, and came so hard that some of it landed on his shirt collar, all the way up near his throat. for a minute, they just breathed raggedly at each other. then hyojin said, very quietly, _"holy shit."_

seungjoon silently agreed.

 _"i need to see you,"_ hyojin decided after a moment. _"i can’t wait till tomorrow, or school, not after that. can we meet now?"_

"yeah," seungjoon said, and swallowed hard. "but i need to change, i have cum on my shirt.” _"holy shit,"_ hyojin said again. _"that has no right to be as hot as it is."_

 

* * *

 

 

he practically levitates out of the lyft car and out into the rain. he sprinted through the automatic doors and past the greeter who looked like he wanted to kill him for tracking water inside. he didn’t know where he was going. hyojin said to meet him at walmart, which seemed like a cute romantic idea until you remember it’s 10 at night and it’s a fucking grocery store. he runs up and down the cereal aisle to calm down and then sprints to the aisle he knows hyojin will be in. past the cold medicine and the little travel bottles of shampoo and conditioner, then feminine hygiene then-

“hi you.” hyojin looked as wrecked as seungjoon felt, rain made his hair all damp and his odd future hoodie bunched up over his track pants. he rushed up to him and snaked a hand around his waist, a feeling that fits. a feeling that matches. they breathe against each other, disgusting and he knows his breath smells like cherry limeade and too many cheez-its. hyojin just smiles, gaze warm and tired. he rushes in with his eyes open, and slams their lips together a bit unpracticed. the last person he kissed was changyoon when he got a bit too drunk at a frat party. hyojin’s lips are softer, rounder, glossed with lip balm. kissable. the last time he held him like this he assumed he would be able to do it a million times over. and after years of sitting around and doing nothing about it, he’s here again. surprisingly it doesn't feel new, it doesn't feel shocking. it just feels like it did in high school, suddenly he floated back in time to his bed and the cold air. he pulls hyojin closer with two hands on his back, fingers spread and grabbing at every inch of him he can. they kissed and kissed, barely letting each other up for breath. every kiss was the best seungjoon's ever had and then the next one was even better. he didn’t know if he’d ever felt so present in his life, so alive.

it’s wednesday.

middle of the week, pretty much a 50/50 chance of something weird happening. he can hear the rain start pounding a little harder against the roof and the hair on his arms starts to stand up. there’s a warm little fire that strikes in his chest again, burning up his bones like wood. but other than that fire he feels perfect, he feels safe and similar.

he feels complete.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated~~  
> stream we must love for clear skin!!  
> [ my twitter ](https://twitter.com/kittykyuun)  
> come ask me things or share your prompts [ here ](https://curiouscat.me/kyunyoonpuff)


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